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28 April 2010 @ 03:04 pm
Your birthday was last week. You would have been 24 now. And this week was the one year anniversary. Talked to your sister last week, and your brother called me this week. Your mom wants to talk to me, but I'm scared to call her. I don't know what to say to her. I know it's okay for me to miss you, but it's so much worse for your family and I feel selfish talking about it with them.

I miss you so much. Sometimes it hits me out of nowhere, like those first few minutes after Mike called me are happening all over again. Janie didn't wake up. That's all he could say to me, over and over. Janie didn't wake up.

I want to be mad at you for leaving. No one realized you had been that sick, and you thought it was just more heartburn. Nobody could have stopped it. I told you all the time to get it checked out, but you were always more worried about everyone else and didn't take time to think of yourself. If only you had.